Oh we seem to be having more than our fair share of mega strops and tantrums in our house recently. I would like to put it all down to flu jabs but somehow I think it’s more than that! The reward charts available from KiddyCharts are a great way to help your child to see how they are managing to deal with their tantrums, and perhaps reduce their frequency, but…how about us, how do we deal with them?
I thought I would share some top tips for dealing with tantrums ….not that I am claiming to get it right all the time and today I was so fed up with one of them I found myself answering like them and had to pull myself up and remember who was the grown up! But honestly; when it all starts at 7am over spellings!
As with many things with our parenting if we can keep our cool it does make things much easier.
I know….I know….
…but some of the tips will help you as much as your child.
Time out, the naughty step, time alone in their room, sitting by your feet, away from their siblings or the aggravating situation. Wherever and for how ever long works best for you and your child. I say this as some kids would love to spend time in their room; all those book and toys, and others hate being separated from the rest of the family.
Leave them, however tempting it is to follow to try and reason with them, give them some space to think about the problem or what they have done wrong.
This gives you time to calm down as well and work out what you want to say to your child.
When you go back and they tantrums have subsided, listen to what your child has to say and how they feel. If this means talking to more than one child to try and find out what has happened, do that. I have learnt to try and hear everyone’s version of events before going further to try and gauge exactly what happened so I can respond in the fairest way possible. Then consider ways for everyone involved to avoid the situation another time and/or to handle things better.
We need to explain exactly what we want our children to do or how we want them to behave. Be good doesn’t really mean much, but a statement like play nicely with the train track or you have the red engine and your sister the blue one or I’d like you to talk to me quietly children can understand much more easily.
Think about YOUR behaviour too; as I mentioned, we parents are the adults. How do we handle our frustrations and anger…do we slam doors, retreat into sulky silence, or storm out of the house? It’s a real tough lesson, but we need to consider whether our children are copying what they see us do?
I personally believe that kids should see their parents disagree, we do not sail through life agreeing with everyone else’s opinion. It’s how we treat each other; cope with our feelings and how we work through those disagreements, resolving the conflict that are important for our children to learn from. This will help prepare them to cope when they disagree with friends and family.
As a final encouragement, I know I don’t always get this right; some days are better than others but what I strive for is to be better tomorrow than I was yesterday.
If you would like to learn how I can help you more please do check out www.beconfident.org or email me Beckie@beconfident.org.
This is our regular Tuesday Tips for Parenting guest post by Beckie Whitehouse from Be Confident Coaching.
Photos courtesy of Microsoft Clipart.
Friday 1st of March 2013
clarity and good communciation are key as repeatedly letting the child know you do indeed love them and that there is a way to resolve things!