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Anxious children: What to do when you have a Epic worrier?

Anxious children: Helping them not to worryMy daughter worries ALL THE TIME, she is one of the anxious children at school; though she does seem to come across as more resilient there than she is at home I think….

I wrote about this a while back, when we had a long discussion about what would happen to her room when she moved out. She was 6 at the time….

However, in the last week it appears the worrying has hit epic proportions, and when I say Epic, I mean EPIC…kind of like the tide, a worry comes out, and you think you have managed to make it subside with your uber brilliant parenting advice, and then another worry wave hits you, and you have to fend that one off too.

I am trying to surf those worry waves, but its bl**dy hard work.

Every night for a week we have been talking for 30-45 minutes before bed about the worries she has. My “parenting advice blog brain” (not sure I really have one of those, but hey) said that it could be attention…

And perhaps it is, but its one hell of a complicated way to seek attention…

“Mummy, Why are there people in the world that aren’t very nice to you?

Were those tests I did this week (SATS) to see which classes I would be in at school? (Both the school and I have said nothing to her about SATS, she seems to be coming up with her own ideas)

I don’t think I am doing well enough in my Maths mummy – I am not good enough

Mummy, why did god make nits? (More on this one when I have the strength)

Why are boys always so silly? (Something we will never fathom my dear)

I don’t know any of the teachers at junior school – I am scared, mummy

Mummy, why do I worry so much about things?”

And so on.

Trying to provide reassurance is absolutely shattering for me, as there is always another question, and something else worrying her…..

But I keep going. I know that these are important worries to my little one, and if I don’t help her with them now, then she won’t come to me when the worries are bigger, and maybe more important to our adult eyes and ears.

What happens if I ignore her thoughts about friends, her classes, and her SATS now; and then she has fears about boyfriends, sex, and exams later? She won’t come to me if she doesn’t think I value her worries, will she?

I wanted to help ease her fears, so we came up with three ideas:

  1. A worry tree; she could pin her thoughts on a tree in an apple, and then they would be shared, and so no-longer a worry
  2. A set of worry beads; she could pass the beads through her hands so that the worries would be passed on
  3. A set of worry jewels; she could hold a jewel and say her worry out loud and then put the worry in a pretty bag – gone.

However:

Mummy, I am worried people will see the tree when they come round

Mummy, I am worried the worry beads won’t work…

So we went for the jewels!

What have you used to help ease your child’s worries – do you have a worry bead/tree/stones/jewels – do let us know below – any advice is much appreciated!

Helen is a mum to two, social media consultant, and website editor; and this site is (we think) the only Social Enterprise parenting magazine! Since giving up being a business analyst when juggling travel, work and kids proved too complicated, she founded KiddyCharts so she could be with her kids, and use those grey cells at the same time. KiddyCharts has reach of over 1.1million across social and the site. The blog works with big family brands (including travel) to help promote their services, as well as offering free resources to parents of kids under 10. It gives 51%+ profits to Reverence for Life, who fund a number of important initiatives in Africa, including bringing running water and basic equipment to a school in Tanzania. Helen has worked as a digital marketing consultant (IDM qualified) with various organisations, including Channel Mum, Truprint, Talk to Mums, and Micro Scooters. She loves to be creative in the brand campaigns she works on. Get in touch TODAY!

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Anxiety Hypnotherapist

Saturday 27th of February 2016

Mostly parents are facing some issues as their kids always remain worried for little things. This article may prove as a helping guide for such parents.Nice effort Helen i must say.Thanks for sharing i am really glad to read such a good post.

CBT Hertfordshire

Saturday 27th of February 2016

Dealing with worrying kids is really a tough and patient enduring job. Sometimes parents lose their tempers and get annoyed with their kids but i think its natural. Anyway your post is completely superb and helpful for parents. Bless you and thanks for this excellent post.

NLP Training Courses

Saturday 27th of February 2016

Dear Helen your idea of "Worry jewel" sounds completely amazing.You are doing a great job indeed.May God bless you and your kids as well. Excellent post that helps the parents who are struggling through such hard situations. Thanks for sharing.

Abby J. Gardiner, M.A.

Monday 13th of January 2014

From my own experience as a very anxious young person, I can say with confidence: parents with anxious children need to acknowledge their children's fears, their personalities, temperament, sensitivities, and, if they are not able to make headway with their child's anxiety with practical methods, therapy should be sought. Worry and anxiety runs deep in families, and is very difficult for a parent alone to fix. Also, provide good role modelling for your children - get help for your own stress if needed. Lessen your own life drama. Create a peaceful home environment. Make sure your child knows he or she is important. An anxious child is struggling, don't lose sight of this. They need help that you alone may not be able to provide. Great post, great tips.

Emma Wright

Tuesday 25th of June 2013

Oh god, I can sympathise. My daughter is 8 and a huge worrier. Just tonight we had tears over her history topic ww2 and how she doesn't like it as there is bombing and fighting and children got evacuated to the country away from their mums and she was panicing that would happen to her.

Helen

Wednesday 26th of June 2013

Oh bless her, Emma - I can so relate to that. Sometimes is so hard when they have these complex emotions in such a tiny, an immature little body. The worry jewels do seem to have helped my little girl though, we haven't had anywhere near as many worries since...perhaps something similar with help ur little one?

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